Honestly this has never been a choice for me to make. Of course the mentioned are based on my own opinions and I guess perception or choice of consideration might differ from everyone.
Actually what is Stealth and what is Declaring? As earlier mentioned, for me there is no consideration that I am a woman with a past. Unfortunately I had GID which left me with only medical consideration of choice to correct what was wrong during birth. The context of ‘Stealth’ or ‘Out’ is hard to define exactly. For me, ‘Out’ generally means declaring that I have a medical past condition and generally that’s it. It’s akin to confessing that I have builmia (unfortunately I do as well) and now its past history. I don’t really see myself as being labelled as ‘trans’ and what’s not. Of course, I generally don’t even bother to declare as well. I guess ‘Out’ to me will only apply to situations perhaps to my close ones or generally in some cases to job applications (if required). The way I see it, generally especially in where I am at, not declaring is a much wiser choice. Whilst that being said, I am not trying to hide my past or fabricate a lie, I just shut the chapter of my life previously when I have GID, locked it and move on.
Generally ask yourself this question, will declaring to all having GID help things? Do you expect sympathy? Do you think society will look at you in another way? Will it affect your opportunities in life? Please remember no matter how tolerant this society is, the impression of something different or ‘strange’ will leave a permanent imprint in peoples’ mind. We can’t judge what others are thinking but often than not, why bother thread on the unknown when it does no benefits to you all? Before all misinterpret what I mean by shutting my past, it generally applies to the society. People whom I am closed to, families (not all only very close ones) and friends (depend on the closeness or relevance of partner) I am completely honest. I guess one will figure what I mean. There is no exact definition of declaring or concealing my past. I would say judgement based on own perception. Bottom line is the relevance and by hiding my past in case mainly is due to not hurting my close ones. Generally for myself I have been thru abuse both mental and physical which is what I guess the journey during transition will accompany along. The important consideration is to protect my family and close ones.
Guess I am incline towards living in stealth. It’s not easy living in stealth, especially when you socialise in today’s society. People will ask and having spend much of my past living during my GID days, its hard to shut it completely. Unless you have been living in coma for a good 20years or so else it will entirely be impossible to forgo your past memories. Now this is often in conflict, to what I have mentioned earlier you may say. Not really. Past relevance to GID related should be more appropriate I guess to make it easier to understand. Everyone has a past, has a history, experiences and memories. It’s more of which ones to shut away. I do share my experiences and memories of my past such as traveling or my field of specialisation. As I mentioned, its not an easy thing to do, I have to filter what I have to say prior to disseminating the information. Yes, its a painful and somewhat difficult process, but I guess as time goes, I have gotten used to it. For me, this beats the consequences of opening the Pandora’s Box.
Some advise thou, stealth living is not depending alone on your choice. It’s also how you are being presented to society especially in the physical and behavior sense. Take note, one may choose to live in stealth but if not being passable, I don’t think that is being an option. I do understand why some (and I mean some) GID personnel chose to be ‘Outed’, generally it’s not a choice. There is no right or wrong when it comes to such decisions on living as stealth or ‘outing’ oneself. Bottom line is we are all trying to adapt into society and bringing little or minimum impact to relation to our GID related past or present state. Perhaps I will write about my perception on Passing next.
Something I noticed amongst the GID communities, this is perhaps common, everyone experience and environment is different. Some gladly take the lead to declare and look to bring awareness to the public generally educating them about GID and seeking acceptance towards GID personnel. I seriously applaud them for that in educating the public, I know for sure I can’t do what they can do as it takes a lot courage and sacrifices for that. Perhaps I should say I align with them on the portion that GID is not a choice and is a mental illness which requires medical treatment but defining as a ‘trans’ gender to me that’s where we tend to split our opinions.
I am sure not everyone sees eye to eye what I think, but I do hope that each of us can respect on how one choose to live their life and how one think of managing their existence. Afterall we share the same starting point of having GID associated illness (medically termed). Everyone has their own way of living, and for me I am contented to be a simple woman, well at least for me. For me (my own opinion), I think the GID communities (NOT ALL, SOME) is moving in the wrong direction. Yes, on one hand its creating awareness but on the other hand, there are also strong disagreement and increase creation of groups of people who ostracised GID personnel and increased abuse. Should we stir the hornets nest so much? Undoubtly for some, its making the choice of living in stealth totally much preferred because the inevitable cannot be predicted especially due to the mixed response of the society. Yes, for those whom pass have this option, but for those who cannot generally in my opinion are the biggest group affected by the perception (could be positive or negative and depending on where they are) of the society.
Chloe’s Life Journey 