This is a pretty contested topic somehow for myself. Yes, often it seems that Real Life Transition (RLT) is required during the transitioning stages to ensure that one can acustomed or adapt to their new live as one of the opposite gender. Such not only includes adaptability in terms of career, social life as well as mental challenge.
In terms of career, RLT enables what to expect of the opposite gender role in terms of financial stability as well as survivial primarily. Yes, amongst all this is the most important aspect. Reason is simple, cause everything cost money. HRT treatment and surgeries for transitioning aside, stacking bills and cost of living are something that one needs to fend for everyday. Without a proper income to sustainable the expenses, transitioning is literally out of the picture then. I must say that all transitioners first main focus should be focusing on ensuring a good education and finding financial freedom. Transitioning is part of it and should not be the main focus of one’s goals when placing importance. However, do note RLT more than often can be a double edge sword. I will explain shortly from my perspective in the later part.
Social life in terms of mixing with people, adapting and communication is very important as this will somehow benchmark your adaptability towards the opposite gender role. By interacting more, you will boost not only confidence but also allows your character to smoothen out and blend comfortably into the opposite gender. Perhaps this could also be an opportunity to rediscover your character as well as how you handle matters and also human touch from new perspective of the opposite gender role. Mannerisms are not defined. What is female and what is male gestures or behaviour? I do not reckon that there is a distinct difference after seeing so many extreme personalities myself. The most important key to adapting is to fall within the mean spectrum behaviour and not being seen as on either end of the statistics. I have noticed myself initially during my transition that I tend to be overly mimicking the character of a female, squealing and overly feminine gestures accompanying that makes me extreme and easily outed in public. It took awhile to observe and after various interaction did I adapt to a more mild and subtle behaviour well that I reckon falls pretty under the ‘normal’ radar of a woman character. People come and go in our lives, you may experience being outed but then again take it in stride and move on cause unlikely you will meet him or her again (well of course unless you choose to). For me, voice is essentially a big concern during RLT as this was something that could out me easily during my transitioning days. I fell into depression largely due to my voice. Yes, this is something at least for me that could in an instance destroy whatever impression I had created earlier. I tried many tones and pitches and practise communicating with people and slowly finding a voice that suits my appearance. Yes, some instances I was outed during this ‘training’ phase but seriously its thru interacting will you be able to know how well you can adapt and blend into the opposite role. There is no easy step. Essentially morphing into the correct personality that you are is the key to surviving in this society.
Mental, well needless to say, this is another big hurdle. Mental aspect well actually blankets above all. Can you take rejection? Can you accept the fact that people are actually talking behind your back? Can you accept the fact that people commenting that you are a freak or fag? Yes, being thru such I realise that physical abuse is nothing compared to the mental torture of such challenges. It can break you down so easily that you may even up suicidal to a certain extent. At least for me. I was put down, being seen as the lowest grade of animal around when I initially RLT. Your confidence and also morale literally will be turned to shreds if you encountered contested views or opinions direct or indirectly. During my earlier RLT time, I often hear voices within my head constantly whispering that someone is saying negative things or gossiping about me. I was constantly suspicious and often on the extreme brink of mental breakdown. Yes, I had attempted suicide due to certain occasions not being able to cross this barrier. Well of course I didn’t die, perhaps I was often lucky being saved at the critical stage. I shan’t go into that, too depressing to reflect it back on those days. I Guess you get the point, mental aspect during RLT also can be seen as a double edge sword, of course this is often complemented by other characteristics as well as physical attributes being in play.
Thinking about my RLT in the past, I felt thankful in some ways that it has enabled me to become who I am but yet at the same time almost destroyed me. Coming from career point of view, being in an Asian conservative country Singapore, where people often look at the LGB and also GID personnel as outcast or freaks, it will be a tremendous challenge to find a job much less to expect of a career path. More than often most will only be able to get mediocre job which pays you probably just enough to survive? Or sometimes barely even able to support oneself. Can generally forget about HRT or surgeries in reality. Yes, discrimination is there, don’t expect compassion or sympathy, cause back at where I come from, there is none. During my RLT days, well I was literally hunting for a job for 1 whole year. I literally threw out thousands of resumes for job applications, got selected for a few interviews but nothing more than that. Mind you, I had a good degree from one of the TOP universities in the world (ranking then was TOP 10) and Engineers was in demand then. That is the truth. Why? Cause people cannot understand what is GID in reality and often thinks of GID personnel as freaks and will be a hindrance in the workplace. So then living myself in the opposite role yet holding my identity card as the pre-operative gender then essentially halted and dented my career path. I cant speak for westernised countries, perhaps over there life is much easier? Westernised People are more accepting cause the understanding of GID is much better? If you are stuck in a conservative Asian society, RLT will be more of a stumbling block in your career life than be beneficial to you. Honestly I have friends whom have no choice but to choose alternative careers meaning working in the flesh trade and plying the streets.
Chloe’s Life Journey 